his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
