he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
