I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
