After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
