I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
