if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
