Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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