Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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