yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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