i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
