I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
