She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
