i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize