you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
