whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Randomize
