what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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