Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
