I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
