I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
