Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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