dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
