So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
