Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
