Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
