Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize