"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
