So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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