Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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