I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
