I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
