make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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