just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize