It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
