If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
