Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize