He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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