News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
