Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
