I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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