Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
