I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
