Sober January is a disaster.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
