yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
