How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize