Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
