i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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