I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
