I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
