we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
