She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
