My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
