that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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