I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
