the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
