You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize