omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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