Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
