Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
