We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
