First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
