he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
