so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
