my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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