I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
