I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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