You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
