just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
