i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
