I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
