A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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