Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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