Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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