Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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