Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
