She said her name was "party"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
