ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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