just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
