I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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