You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize