when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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