Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I need a beard to bite.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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