I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
