he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
