i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
