weddingsv make me drug and hornr
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
