i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
