i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
