I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
