Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
