You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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