do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
