Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
