So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
