I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Only a mothe r could love this liver
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
